Non-Resolutions

by Dan Ward

As another year enters the history books, we all start planning our resolutions for the New Year.  Lose weight, run a marathon, spend more time with family and less time at the office, the list goes on and on.

And we keep repeating this masochistic charade despite the knowledge that every last resolution will be broken by February.  To channel the wise sage, Jerry Seinfeld, anyone can make a resolution; we just don’t know how to keep a resolution.

So this year, as I look ahead to what I want to accomplish at the office, I’m making a list of professional non-resolutions, knowing full well that I will keep none of them.  The math textbooks say two negatives make a positive, so my utter failure to fulfill these non-resolutions should equal a year of success!

Here’s my list:

– I resolve to distribute more shotgun-style, non-targeted news releases that only one in 500 journalists will actually open and read.

– I resolve to think tactically rather than strategically, because churning out high-quantity, rather than high-quality, content will be critical in 2015.

– I resolve to stop reading the newspaper and monitoring news websites, because PR people have little need to know what’s going on in the world around them.

– I resolve to incorporate more selfie promotions into client PR plans because, really, how could that trend ever play itself out?

– I resolve to use poor grammar because professional communicators should always follow trends rather than set examples.

– I resolve to send even more emails as a way to avoid actual human interaction.

What non-resolutions will you vow to break this year?

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